The internet is a frightening place for parents because it seems to be endless. Endless porn, inappropriate jokes, tasteless comics, and bullies. Some of the original fears that parents held a decade ago have passed and there are more safeguards in place but the presence of children on the internet has continued to increase as technology becomes more affordable and prevalent in homes.
Bullying is difficult to monitor and discourage because children often don’t understand boundaries online and can misread social cues in the sterile environment. My daughter was very successful in school with lots of friends and a close social circle but her treatment of others online quickly changed that.
My daughter had a Facebook, Tumblr, and Pinterest account and, like most middle schoolers, was always asking for more computer time. We set up time limits and had regulations about homework and grades but that wasn’t enough. As a good student and rule follower at home I thought that everything was fine because there were no problems on the surface. Then I started to notice that she had less friends around and was more reserved. I tried talking to her about the change and I learned that she felt like the victim; her friends were disappearing and couldn’t ‘take a joke’.
I had a sneaking suspicion that her activity online was to blame so I used www.webwatcher.com to remotely follow her movements online and to watch how she interacted with her friends. I didn’t feel guilty about it because I was worried about her and wanted to learn more about the solution before I approached her. I was shocked by what I found! I couldn’t believe her rude she was being and it was clear that she was bullying other children online.
We sat down and talked about online etiquette and re-reading her posts, comments, and messages we thought about how she read her writing versus how others did and she finally was able to see how much she was hurting others. She honestly thought that her comments were funny and that having a ‘bite’ on her words made her sound more like an adult. Working together, we were able to mend her friendships and change her ways online. I continue to monitor her activity online and she feels more safe knowing that I’m keeping a watchful eye.
